Recovering From a Miscarriage

Note: I wrote this post back in May 2019.  Today, it is January 2020, and I am 25 weeks pregnant with my sweet rainbow baby.  I have just now decided that if my story can encourage one person to get help or provide someone with hope, it is worth posting.  

Most people don't know that I had a miscarriage at the beginning of this year.  If you didn't know, don't feel bad; I'm notoriously private about these things.  I didn't even tell my own mother until I was well into a month of it.  Here's a little back story.  Before Christmas, Clif and I found out we were expecting our third.  All the normal emotions took over: excited, nervous, thrilled, terrified.  We celebrated Christmas, went to Red River, NM, and rang in the New Year with this special secret.  When winter break was over, I went back to work and scheduled my first prenatal visit at about the 10 week mark.  It was at that visit that I learned that the baby was measuring very small, but it did have a heartbeat.  My doctor said there was a 50/50 chance of the baby surviving and to come back in a week to see if the baby grew.  A week later the baby did not grow and there was no longer a heartbeat.  

The doctor and I decided to wait a few weeks to see if my body would miscarry naturally, and it did about 3 weeks later.  The miscarriage has been hard in so many ways.  Physically it has been almost debilitating.  Emotionally it has been disheartening and discouraging.  Mentally it has been depressing.  You may notice that I am writing this portion in the present tense.  That's because over three months later, I am still in the process of having a miscarriage.  At this point, I've had the pregnancy hormone in me for almost five months.  

I have a history of postpartum depression.  It took me about 6 months after I gave birth to Colt to finally muster up the courage to ask a doctor for help with the turmoil that was taking place in my mind.  My anxiety was so high I felt like every decision I made for my sweet, new baby was a life or death decision: down to the socks I put on his feet in the morning.  The anxiety I felt about my ability to be a good mother by constantly questioning my instincts brought on a wave a depression and anxiety that is indescribable.  The only word that comes to mind is worthless.  I felt like I was truly worthless when it came to every aspect of my life: being a wife, mother, teacher, daughter, friend, woman, dog owner, homeowner...I think you get the picture.  

When Colt was 6 months old, he had a bad case of RSV while Clif was out of town. I had a full on breakdown.  I was convinced that I caused the illness, and somehow, if Clif had been there, it never would have happened-- not because it was wrong for him to go, but because I was that incompetent of a mother.  I really don't remember too much of the whole experience other than calling my mother in hysterics and her really pushing me to go see my doctor.  

Thankfully, that doctor's visit did offer me relief.  My doctor listened to my fears and doubts.  She heard my sadness for what it truly was.  We decided to try medication and a support group that met via Facebook.  After a few weeks, I was feeling better.  When I had Cody, my doctor, Clif, and I decided that I should go on the medication immediately after giving birth.  This is one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself and my family.  Comparing the first 6 months of both of my boys' lives is like comparing night to day.  I was fun.  I was happy.   I felt capable even when things were difficult (I had a 2 year old and a newborn--nothing was easy!).  

All of this backstory is to say, after about week 5 of the miscarriage, when I felt like my body was truly betraying me, those old, familiar feelings started to creep their way back into my psyche.  Looking in the mirror was like seeing a stranger.  Again, I was washed in a feeling of worthlessness.  By the time we went on our vacation to Broken Bow, I knew I could not continue feeling this way.  My doctor called with lab results before we left, and I told her that I needed to come in.  

I went in.  I got help.  My doctor recommended some support groups, both online and in person, to help me cope with the loss.  She also gave me medication to use until my hormones balance out.  I've been on the medication for almost two weeks, and I visit the online support group every few days.  I am feeling better...slowly.  Every day I take a little time to myself to just relax and mentally unwind.  Some days that looks like going to the gym or going for a jog, other days I spend time thanking God for my many blessings by listening to worship music, and sometimes it means just being lazy and mindlessly scrolling through Instagram.  By putting energy into making myself better, my mindset is improving, and I can enjoy my family. 

If you are going through a difficult time, please seek help.  Talk to your doctor.  Talk to your spouse/significant other.  Talk to your friends.  There is no shame in asking for help.  You cannot pour from an empty cup.  Take care of yourself when you need to, so you can take care of your family the rest of the time.  

If you live in the DFW area, I suggest you visit the M.E.N.D. website for support.

Family Vacation to Broken Bow, OK

We loaded up the family and headed out to Broken Bow, Oklahoma for an extended weekend getaway with some family friends.  Initially when this trip was presented to us, I was a little concerned because it fell the week after Spring Break (meaning I would have to miss two days of work), but it didn't take much to convince me to put in for a sub request!

When we first started talking about the vacation, we kept referring to it as a camping trip.  Upon our arrival at the cabin, Clif and I quickly realized we needed to stop calling this camping, or the boys would be sorely disappointed when they had their first true camping experience.  The cabin was immaculate.  The facade looked like a traditional log cabin with a tin roof if you could overlook the frequent spattering of large picture windows allowing for views of the pine trees and the creek bed that curved around the side of the house. The bottom floor consisted of three large bedrooms, each with their own TV and bathroom and a beautiful open concept kitchen, dining, and living area.  The upstairs loft included both pool and shuffleboard tables along with four bunk beds and a TV complete with a Wii and games.  The back porch was a dream.  At the center of the porch was a large wood burning fire.  To one side of the fire was a picnic table, hot tub, and outdoor living area (TV included).  The other side consisted of a wrap around porch that overlooked a fire pit and playground for the kids.

That first afternoon consisted of the usual unpacking and exploring.  Colt and Cody played on the playground with the Escobars', the family that dreamed up this vacation, children, Ava, Blake, and Kendall.  We ate dinner, hung out, and talked by the fire pit just enjoying the surrounding scenery.  Late into the night, the other family that was joining us, the Toblers, arrived with their two little ones, Behr and Bond.  The kids all stayed up way too late, and by the time they finally when to sleep, it was close to midnight!

 I awoke the next morning to the smell of Katherine making us a delicious pancake breakfast.  After some play time and getting ready for the day, we loaded up the cars and took a short drive over to Ouachita National Forest.  There we snacked, played, and walked in the cool lake water.  The kids humored me by bringing me treasures for our nature scavenger hunt bag I picked up from the Target Dollar Spot a few weeks before.

Later that day, the younger babes went back to the cabin to take a nap while the older group hit the race track.  We raced go karts, ate ice cream, and played a bit of mini golf before we joined up with the rest of our crew for a delicious brisket dinner!

That evening, the kids wound down by coloring and crafting.  Those Crayola Color Wonder markers are a lifesaver!  I was never once worried about the kiddos ruining anything in the pristine cabin because they only write on the special paper.  I think sometimes people forget that children do not relax the same way adults do.  TV is fun, but only for a short time, and, at least my little guys, don't enjoy just talking and shooting the breeze like I do.  I find it super helpful to bring small, manageable arts and crafts along with us on vacation.  Somehow these crafts keep the kids' bodies seated at a table, but keep their hands busy.  After a long day playing outdoors, the kids were too amped to just relax in front of the TV.  A simple craft was the perfect way to get our littles to calm down while we were just talking and relaxing ourselves.

The next day, we woke up feeling refreshed and ready to go on an adventure!  We made up a parfait bar with all the fixings to have for breakfast.  First on today's agenda was a visit to Bever's Bend State Park.  This park was truly beautiful and had a lot to offer.  The first thing we did was ride the little train that was at the park.  That train really picked up speed at the end!  Then the kids went for pony ride.  Colt pretended he was a cowboy swinging his invisible lasso.  After that, we spent some time at the playground and went for a beautiful nature walk down by the river. 

For dinner that night we had enchiladas prepared by your's truly.  The kids relaxed before a yummy ice cream sundae dessert by playing with Play Doh . After the kiddos went to bed, us grown ups spent our last night out on the patio discussing our favorite podcasts, "Up and Vanished", reminiscing about old times, and talking about how much life has changed since we've had children.  It was the perfect way to end the vacation.  The next morning we ate breakfast and started to pack up.  On the way home, Clif and I talked about how much we truly enjoyed the vacation.  The setting was serene, making it a fun way to connect with nature.  There were so many unique things to do in the little town, that we always felt like we had options available to us.  It was really just so much fun to spend time with our friends and their families in such a special place.  We enjoyed it so much, we're hoping to make it an annual event! 

Family Field Trips and a FREE Boredom Buster

"Getting out of the house with a handful of toddlers is a dream," said no one ever!  Toddlers are tiny insane people!  They are full of overly passionate emotions, both positive and negative.  They contain a pure energy that, if bottled, would make you a fortune lifetimes over.  Their listening is incredibly selective, and they have the uncanny ability to have to pee or poop immediately upon arrival of any destination.

Clif and Cody at the Dallas Zoo.

While all of this is true, and I've experienced it all myself many, many times, getting out and doing things with your toddlers is worth all that time and energy.  The benefits of "Family Field Trips,"as we like to call them, truly do outweigh the costs.  The bottom line is, children learn from experiences.

At the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History

My almost two year old still talks about going on a hay ride any time he sees two or more pumpkins gathered together.  I know this is from our crazy trip to the local pumpkin patch this October.   My four year old still talks about the similarities and differences of the small 99 cent pumpkins he got to pick out on that same visit.

Hay ride selfie

Truthfully, I was so focused on trying not to lose either of them, I had a difficult time enjoying the experience.  The place was packed full of parents, kids, volunteers, dogs, pumpkins, jumping balloons, and playhouses.  I saw a million different ways a person could abduct my children while my kids saw adventure and entertainment.

Lunch at the pumpkin patch

The bottom line is, we did it.  We experienced everything that that pumpkin patch had to offer.  We talked about it all.  We talked about it before, during, and after the trip.  We laugh at the pictures.  We bring it up when something from a book reminds us of this memory.  My kids are making text to self connections at ages one and four!  Was I stressed the whole time?  YES!  Did I try to force myself into enjoyment?  YES!  Do I regret going?  NO!

Grapevine Botanical Gardens Dinosaur Exhibit

So, get out there!  Go on the adventure.  Embrace the chaos.  It's short lived, and we all know we'll miss it once it's gone.

Click HERE for a free gross motor skill printable from Camp Campbell's December kit!  Happy dancing!

FREE Boredom Buster

The weekend is upon us!  That means lots of quality time with your little ones!  Before it gets too cold outside, go on a nature walk with your child.  Click HERE to download and print a science based nature walk and talk activity! 

If you would like more activities like this sent to your home, email me at campcampbellalece@gmail.com.  Let Camp Campbell do the work for you.  We will send you the activities and the supplies.  All you have to do is open them up and have fun with your toddler!

Getting the Family Involved

Sometimes people assume that I'm the only person who works with my kids on these academic based activities.  That is simply untrue.  I firmly believe that anyone who spends a significant amount of time with my children should be given the opportunity to engage with them in fun learning experiences.  It takes a village, after all.

Clif and Colt building a model airplane together while Cody observes as he eats his breakfast.

Think back to your education.  You were exposed to an array of teachers and influences.  Remember the benefits to this variety.  You learned different perspectives; you were asked diverse questions; you were privy to authentic experiences.  It's important to encourage this same variety in your child's life during the toddler years. 

My dad teaching Colt how to season a steak.  

Toddlers are sponges that absorb their surroundings.  They are fully engaged in the moment.  They observe differences and similarities.  They notice colors, shapes, and sizes.  They are inherently curious.  As caregivers, it's our job to foster these qualities--even when we are not with our children.  Encouraging those who spend time with our children to get involved in their learning, promotes unique opportunities for our toddlers that are similar to the ones we enjoyed when we were in school.

My mother-in-law teaching Colt about the 4th of July.

When your child is spending the afternoon with a grandparent, uncle, aunt, cousin, or with the babysitter, wouldn't it be nice to be able to provide them with an activity to that offers them the chance to bond over an academic exercise promoting conversation and exposing your child to a his or her caregiver's unique way of thinking? 

Don't be scared!  That's just my mom teaching Colt about pumpkin guts

Cody was a spectator that day, too.

Camp Campbell puts the activities and materials on your doorstep.  The next time your child is with a family member or a babysitter, you can easily leave them a lesson sheet and the supplies needed.  Let them bond with your child over the activity.  Let them share stories and personal experiences while working on gross motor skills or language arts.  Let them introduce new words into your child's vocabulary.  Sometimes a different experience is all your toddler needs to cement new knowledge into their memory. 

Email me if you are interested in getting Camp Campbell activities delivered to your home campcampbellalece@gmail.com.  Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for updates and free activities. 

Camp Campbell: A Small Business

Although it's been awhile since I've updated my blog, I've recently gotten a lot of feedback from Facebook friends who are interested in the activities I do with my children.  The biggest complaint I get from friends who are also rocking that toddler life is that it's difficult to find age appropriate activities, gather the supplies, and implement them at home.

Finding activities that are engaging and interesting for you toddler can be exhausting.  Pinterest is amazing, but it offers such a variety of choices that, unless you know what your focus is, it can be an overwhelming database of ideas.  Purchasing the items needed to complete the chosen activity can be frustrating.  Why would I want to buy 100 popsicle sticks when I only need seven to complete a craft?  I needed glitter glue for that?  Ughh...Not to mention that those of us who are full time mommies/daddies and full time employees are hurting for the time and energy to hit up the local Dollar Store for said items.  Implementation offers its own variety of challenges.  The activity was way too easy for my child!  The activity was way too hard!  My child's attention span, or lack thereof, didn't allow us to get through the first step!  The internal monologue of questions and self doubts can stun capable parents and make them feel inadequate.

Hearing this, I realized parents need help.  They want to do these activities with their children, but they are in need of direction.  They want to have these moments with their children, but they don't know where to begin.  That's where the idea for taking Camp Campbell and putting it into other people's homes came to me.

So, what does Camp Campbell look like?  Camp Campbell is a fun, academic based enrichment program for your 2-5 year old with a focus on creating memorable experiences and meaningful conversations with your little one.  Every month you will receive a package from Camp Campbell.
Each package includes eight activities complete with lesson sheets and supplies. The lesson sheet will guide you through the activity.  The lesson sheet even shows you how to level the activity up or down based on your child’s age and needs.

Want to get a feel for how a Camp Campbell activity may play out? Click HERE for a free dinner time conversation printable! Want to see a Camp Campbell fine motor skills activity in real life with two toddlers, ages 21 months and 4 years, being completed, click HERE to see a video from one of our November activities.


Each month you will receive eight activities similar to the ones above. All supplies (scissors, glue, popsicle sticks, lesson sheets) everything is included. The academic areas addressed are: gross motor skills, fine motor skills, language arts, math, and science. Email me at campcampbellalece@gmail.com if you would like to receive your first month for only $10!

Babypalooza 2016

I can't believe it's taken me so long to get this post up!  I am so lame!  Anyways, the last big event at Camp Campbell before school started was called BABYPALOOZA 2016.  This was a day totally focused on Cody and his baby friends.  I should warn you now that you are about to engage in cuteness overload...enjoy!

A few weeks ago, Clif and I went to beautiful wedding and celebrated our dear friends, Toby and Chanel's nuptials.  At the reception, we had a blast.  This was a big date night for a lot of us since some of us, including Clif and myself, left our kids at home with sitters for the first time in what felt like an eternity.  Naturally, there was some lots of wine sipped.  Maybe it was the relaxation caused by a night off, the conversations with friends, or the wine, but at this wedding, I had an epiphany; we needed to have a big get together with tons of baby centered activities, and thus, Babypalooza was born!

Luckily, the next day I remembered my idea.  I looked at my calendar, chose a day I knew Colt would be with his grandparents, set up an invitation on Facebook, and scoured Pinterest for baby friendly activities.  By the end of the day, I already had five guests confirmed to attend and a bunch of ideas in my head!

I'll be honest, Camp Campbell has been very focused on Colt.  My only excuse is that he is behind, and I need to do whatever I can to catch him up to speed.  I have been feeling guilty about not planning more activities for Cody during this time.  Nobody tells you how much guilt comes with motherhood...  I always try to keep Cody engaged, and I know that he's been exposed to way more language than Colt was at his age because he is listening to us practice all the time, but I had envisioned him participating in at least one activity a week and that just hasn't happened.  When I thought up Babypalooza, I decided to cram as many experiences I could into a three hour time period in an attempt to make up for this oversight.

Sensory play is one of the best ways for little ones to learn about the world.  They experience new sensations that encourage exploration and independence.  Once I decided on the sensory play theme, Pinterest provided so many wonderful ideas.  It was difficult to choose, but here is what I came up with.

Board books and toys: We have TONS of touch and feel board books at the house.  I went through all of them and put the best ones out for the littles (and their mommies) to read.  I think it goes without saying that these promote literacy and develop vocabulary.  I also put out the baby friendly toys and seats.

Edible sandbox: I found a variety of different ways to do this on Pinterest, but in the end I settled on using instant mashed potatoes from the dollar store as my "sand."  I simply filled up a plastic tub with the potatoes and added some fun colored beach toys for the babies to play with.  If the babies put the "sand" in their mouth, it was no big deal; in fact, I think it was part of the fun!  I know our dog, Tex, really liked this station.

Water play: I filled a few baking sheets with about an inch of water and added some toys.  The water spilled pretty quickly, but not before we had fun splashing around!

Spaghetti bin: When I saw this idea, I knew we had to do it! Again, I bought cheap spaghetti from the dollar store, busted out with a large bin, and filled that bad boy up with food, toys, and a baby!  The kids had a lot of fun taking turns.  You could see how thrilled they were when they first started eating the slimy spaghetti and their moms didn't rush over to pull it out of their hands.  They were experiencing a freedom they've never had before!

Sensory bottles: I asked the moms to bring over a water bottle to create these.  I purchased some glitter, buttons, and beads from the dollar store.  We used a recipe that called for 1/2 corn syrup 1/2 water.  I don't know that I would use this recipe again because it seemed like all of our beads and glitter just sat at the top.  I may need to search around for an alternative.  Even though our bottle didn't turn out exactly as I hoped, it has turned out to be one of Colt and Cody's favorite toys.  Now that Cody's crawling, he pushes the bottle around and chases after it.

While we were playing, I had Pandora going on my phone, so we could listen to children's music and Disney classics (my personal fave).  It was so amazing to watch the moms interact with their babies at all the different stations.  The kids were truly engaged with their parents, the activities, and each other.  They really seemed to enjoy seeing the other babies playing.

Overall, I think the babies had a ton of fun, and I know I had a great time visiting with the other moms!  I'm thinking I'll have to do another one of these days during my Christmas vacation!  I know Cody had a great time because after everyone left, he drank a bottle, and passed out for the night.